Ginny has recommended a psychiatrist that she says can help me. I do need help to understand why I behaved the way I did. I will call her next week to see if she will accept me as a patient."You must know by now that I will do anything to preserve our marriage. I love you with all my heart and I can't imagine my life without you. I am begging you to give me another chance. I will agree to anything that will keep us together. Anything!"Ginny suggested marriage counseling. I'm willing to if you are. I want us to be together for the rest of our lives. I want that more than anything, including my career. I'll give it up tomorrow if that's what you want. Nothing is more important than you in my life."I know I've been selfish, but I can change. I can make myself a better person. I can reconnect with our old friends. I can be more considerate of you. It won't be hard to do. It isn't that I've forgotten how. I just need to remind myself to be more thoughtful of others."I paused again to. I don't remember what happened after that, I remember being conscious, I remember the pain when Chris held me, remember even my clothes feeling painful against my skin, but what happened, what was said, I have no idea. The first clear memory was later in Chris's car driving home, her apologising over and over for agreeing to help me, for arranging the time with Toni, Ma'am.Everything was too raw for me to say what I felt, so I just sat there, whimpering every so often as the car bumped or I moved, tried to get comfortable, Chris cared so much, was so sorry, how could I explain that when she threw herself at me I hated her, hated that it had stopped, hated that I would have to go through all that again. That one thought burned brighter than the pain, I would do it again, and next time nothing would stop me.Chris did everything she could to care for me, desperate to hold me, drawing away every time I flinched at the slightest contact. I undressed as we entered the flat, pealing off my.
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